Thursday, April 29, 2010

Chapter Eleven: 
Mind Games – A Girls Best Weapon.

I started looking forward to his e-mails and checking my inbox more frequently. Since we were getting to know each other better through our e-mails and instant message conversations in the evenings, it was easier to come up with things to talk about at school. It was so easy, in fact, that we started getting in trouble in our fourth period Psychology class for talking. I was the type of student that never ever got in trouble, and this boy was bringing out the worst in me. We couldn’t keep our mouths shut! Luckily, our teacher was gone often that year, so the subs would stick in a Psych-related movie and we would commence to talking. It was great. Amber slept in every class that year. I’m not sure what her deal was, but she was very tired that year. So, while Darin and I babbled and chatted about anything and everything, Amber was next to us asleep.

One day in that class, we started talking about hands. I have always had a love for hands – guys’ hands. It is one of the first things I notice on a boy. As we got off on this topic, we somehow moved on to rings….and then engagement rings…..and marriage.

“How old do you want to be when you get married?” he asked.

“Ohhh, after college” I replied. “When I get that ring on that finger, I’m going to be the happiest girl in the entire world,” I continued.

He was leaning forward toward my desk with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him while chewing a piece of gum. He smiled that big smile and looked directly at my face with his piercing blue eyes and said, “will ya”?

I smiled back and just about that time, the bell rang. Things always tended to interrupt our special moments.

Darin was becoming a great friend and I thought about him often. When something would happen to me, the first person I thought to tell was him. He made me laugh more than anyone I had ever met, and I made him laugh as well. Our e-mails were full of day-to-day stories that we found humor in, and they had a hint of flirtation in them as well. He was a great source of entertainment for me, and I was so happy about my new friend.

I was starting to have such mixed feelings about this boy. He was my friend, and I didn’t want anything to ever change that. Also, I often thought about all of the other girls he had been interested in and I kept reminding myself and swearing to myself that I would not be one of them. I kept myself at arms length, but found myself bending it a little bit – drawing me closer to him. Some days, I liked him. Other days, the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. I honestly didn’t know what I was thinking. I would talk to Amber about it incessantly and I would insist I didn’t have feelings for him, but she never believed me. She told me I liked him but I just wasn’t letting myself realize it. I didn’t know what to believe. I couldn’t figure myself out.

I played mind games with him like crazy, and it drove him into a mild state of insanity. I didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what I wanted. To him, I tried to let him know he was a great friend and nothing more, but had to keep it interesting by not being an open book with my conflicted feelings. Some days, he got my undivided attention. Other days, I would blow him off and act completely uninterested, while I talked to other guys instead of him. Some days, I would send 3 e-mails a day. Other days, I would wait a day or two to reply. Some days I spoke of romantic dreams and aspirations of love. Other days, I was Miss Independent who didn’t need a guy. Some days I flirted with him all day. Other days, I told him how cute every other guy was. I secretly loved having that power over him, because I don’t think he was used to that. When he first moved to town and every girl let him know that they would date him if he would give them a chance, I’m sure he thought he was pretty hot stuff and could date anyone he put his spell on. Not me. Not Whitney.

As much as he intrigued me, and as much fun as he was, I refused to let him know that I was the least bit interested in him.

But he wasn’t very good at hiding it.