Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Chapter Twenty-One: A Defining Decision.

At some point between Prom and Graduation, Darin had an enormous decision to make. He was accepted to a fantastic college in Wheaton, Illinois that is very competitive and near impossible to get in to. He was also accepted to John Brown University in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. Twenty-five minutes from home. We had countless discussions about his choices and I made sure to stay completely out of it. I knew that I did not want to weigh in at all with his decision because I definitely did not want all that pressure – especially since I was so uncertain of our future.

He called most every night wanting me to help make his decision. I kept telling him to go with his heart – to go where he felt God was leading. But he was confused. He didn’t know where God wanted him. There were pros and cons to each University and he simply did not know what to do.

I think he wanted some sort of nudge from me, to see where I thought we stood concerning a possible future together. I didn’t know, therefore I couldn’t say anything. I just prayed with him. The night came where he had to make the decision. Wheaton College was to call him early the next morning and they needed an answer. He was still torn. He had absolutely no idea what he was going to tell them.

He spent the night in absolute turmoil and prayer – pouring his heart out and seeking answers. I was doing the same. My stomach was in horrible knots thinking that he could leave and be eleven hours away. I knew what I wanted. I knew exactly where I wanted him to be, but I could never voice that. All I could do was saturate him in prayer.

I woke up the next morning feeling nauseas. I knew he was going to call to let me know how the phone interview went, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear. I feared bursting in to tears. I feared throwing up. I feared the worst. I waited and waited for his call and with every ring my heart sank. Finally, it was him.

“Whitney?” he said. I could tell he was smiling.

“I gave them an answer.”

“And….?” was all I could muster up.

“I’m going to John Brown! I just told Wheaton the news and I couldn’t be more confident.” he said.

A rush of relief flooded my body and tears welled in my eyes. I was so, so happy. I acted less enthused than I actually was, but inside I was beaming. I had told myself before his decision that if he chose Wheaton, I was going to nix the idea of us. I would have to take 92 steps back and try to cut off any romantic feelings I had toward him. That, of course, would be no easy task, so I would just have to limit my time with him. The thought of that was heart wrenching. If he chose JBU, the idea of us was more realistic. I was going to be two hours away at Oklahoma Baptist University and though it would take work, we might be able to have relationship.

So when he made his choice and decided JBU was the place for him, there was a glimmer of hope….for us.