Monday, July 5, 2010

Chapter Seventeen: 

We began our new study just as soon as they arrived in the mail. We were eager to have more in depth conversations and eager to spend that time together every week. Spending alone time with Darin became a breeze, and I was able to open up and be more relaxed, and more myself around him. We laughed constantly and often times began our Bible study forty-five minutes late because we just could not stop talking. I don’t know what it was about this boy, but he made me feel like I never had before. I felt most like myself when I was with him, if that even makes sense.

We learned gobs from the study of Abraham. He was an incredible example of a faithful, follower of God. He was what both Darin and I desired to be in our lives. We wanted to go where He led and do what He called. Darin had already been an example of that to me, by moving to my town, and we prayed those characteristics and diligence for one another each week.

One Monday night came and I was getting ready for our study with the other Juniors and Seniors that came to my house each week. I noticed a slight pain in my stomach, but thought nothing of it. I went on as usual, laughing and talking with everyone, ate dinner and settled into my spot on the couch for discussion. As Mom began talking and teaching, my stomach pain became more intense. I excused myself from the room and walked into my bedroom to lie down for a minute. The pain worsened and I shut my door and crawled in bed to sleep it off. After everyone left for the evening, Mom came in to check on me and laid my Bible next to me.

Darin left something in your Bible for you, he wanted me to give it to you,” she said.

What is it?”I questioned.

She replied, “I don’t know Whitney; I didn’t read it!”

I smiled at her sheepishly and asked, “why not?”

She rolled her eyes, kissed my head and told me goodnight. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. I was expecting a silly “Get Well Soon” hand made card, or a funny picture he clipped from a magazine (he did that a lot). I sat back and opened my Bible and out dropped a note.

This was not unusual. Darin and I were the biggest note writers to ever hit, so I just assumed he had written a few things he wanted to make sure he told me. It was however, unusual that he had a note for me at night. We usually wrote during class because we were bored and to give each other something to read in our next boring class. I had never had a note from him outside of school, so I was intrigued.

I carefully unfolded the note and I read slowly, so as to hang on to each and every word. I partly wanted to read the whole thing as fast as I could to see what he wanted to say, and part wanted to savor each word, each comma, and each pen stroke. The note was full of compliments and attributes about me that he noticed and liked. As I felt my head becoming larger and larger, my grip on the note became tighter and tighter. “Why was he telling me this?” I was extremely flattered and a little embarrassed. I continued reading with a permanent smile on my face and as I came to the last sentence, my heart stopped.

“Whitney, I’m attracted to you," he wrote. “Darin”.

Attracted to me? How was I supposed to respond to this? What was I going to say – I’m attracted to you too? What did that accomplish? Absolutely nothing. So we would declare our attraction for one another and then prance around knowing it but doing nothing about it. I never in my life, had someone tell me he liked me in that way before. I didn’t know how to handle it, how to approach it... what to do. I was scared. Thoughts swirled my head and it was creating a massive headache to go along with my stomach ache. I ran in and read the note to mom and she said, “what are you going to say?”

“I DON’T KNOW!” I told her. I truly didn’t know. I didn’t know how I felt myself, so I really didn’t know what to tell him. I loved being with him. But, I was still extremely careful with my heart and my past feelings about him were kept before me. I didn’t want to be another girl and I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t know what to do. I tossed and turned all night and I begged my heart to tell me how I truly felt.

When I woke up the next morning, I knew what I needed to do.