Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Chapter Fourteen
: The Start of a Something New

At School the next day, Darin was hot on my heels and it turned out he had to stay late at the Parsonage because his parents were there and he had ridden over with them. Geeze, how could I have not realized that last night?, I thought to myself. I was thrown in such a tizzy the night before that I tried to ignore him as best I could and steered clear from the entire situation. I was more confused than ever and I couldn’t distinguish the feelings I was having. It was pure torture.

Christmas break was coming up soon and I was excited to take a break from it all and just clear my head with a time-out from life. We went on hiatus with our Monday night Bible studies so that everyone could spend adequate time with their families and enjoy the season.

Once Christmas break hit, Darin was on the computer day and night e-mailing and trying to instant message me all the time. His e-mails became even longer and more in depth and his phone calls became more frequent. I kept my distance and prayed for protection of my heart as he was pursuing me and my friendship. I continued on with the mind games and pretended he was just another guy, just another friend in my life. It was working because the lower I laid, the quicker he responded. We were driving each other nutty.

At the New Year’s Eve party at his house, we were discussing different presents we received for Christmas, and as it turned out, we both received a Precept upon Precept Bible study – the Covenant study. We had both wanted to do that particular study because of our Monday night lessons on ‘A Marriage Without Regrets’. We learned so much about Covenant in that study, that we were intrigued with the study solely on Covenant. Apparently, we had both asked for it for Christmas, and we laughed at our like mindedness.

The break was exactly what I needed. Once school started back again, I was refreshed and renewed with a brand new outlook and I had decided once and for all, that the purpose of Darin being brought into my life, was simply for a new friend. That’s all. Sure, he was sweet and kind and smart and hilarious and cute, but I wasn’t sure he was all that I wanted in a boyfriend. I didn’t know him on the Spiritual level that I desired, and that was my biggest reason for not admitting to myself that I liked him. I needed to know that he was in a real love relationship with Jesus and actively pursuing that daily. I needed to know that he spoke of Spiritual things because it was constantly on his mind and in his thoughts – not just to impress me. I needed to know much, much more before I let my heart do any thinking of it’s own. It was a constant mind/heart battle.

When school started back up again and he was constantly with me, wanting to know every detail of my break. This game that I was playing worked like a charm. As the first day back came to an end, we were at our lockers grabbing our car keys and back packs and telling stories about our day. I was hot and sweaty from last period Cheerleading, and he was the same from Basketball practice. We stood there for a few minutes shooting the breeze and then he stopped and cleared his throat.

Hey” he started, “I was thinking….since we both got that Covenant Bible study for Christmas, I was thinking we could do it together."

My armpits instantly resembled small fishing ponds.

“Like…at the same time?” I asked.

“Yeah, we can do it at the same time and then get together once a week and discuss what we’ve learned," he continued.

My throat dropped to my heart and my heart dropped to my stomach.

“Um, yeah! That sounds great,” I lied.

Get together?!, I thought.

“Awesome! Let’s start this week,” he said.

He shut his locker and smiled that big smile. I tried to cover the look of panic in my eyes and smiled back. We said goodbye and parted ways.

Then I had a nervous break down.

What was I going to do?! I hated being alone with guys. It freaked me out completely. I loved the comfort of groups and friends. I didn’t mind talking alone with Darin standing at my car or at the Church, but alone, in a house, discussing a BIBLE STUDY!? It terrified me entirely. I was panicked. My palms were sweaty and my stomach churned. How was I going to get out of this?

I started coming up with every excuse in the book, but none sounded reasonable. I was stuck. I had to do it.

What on earth had I gotten myself in to?